2013

Welcoming 2013 with open arms, goals and ambitions.

Everybody has their resolutions and expectations for the coming year, but none changed my life so much as the moment I decided to change my lifestyle. My past of alcohol use was coming to a close after one last end of the year hoorah, and I decided I was going to turn my life towards church. Which one, I was yet to know.

What can I say? The last day of 2010 and first of 2011 was an overnight sensation! Okay so maybe it didn't happen that quickly, but it was the start. There always needs to be a beginning. With the help of friends and family, I gravitated towards a better life for myself.

It all started HERE.

I look at where I am now and where I was then, and without sounding too "Jesus Freak," -ish, I really do owe it all to Him. Ye shall know them by their fruits, right? Without sounding self absorbed, I know without a doubt I have become a better person. I know that every decision I have made since the moment I was baptized was with inspiration from a higher power.

I am not ashamed of my past, I didn't know any better. I am not proud of past decisions, there are lots that aren't worthy of that. This journey I have been on has had its ups and downs that I decided I'll share with the blogging world, and this journey I am continuing on has so much in store for me. Where will I be expressing the happiness, challenged with trials of my life since I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints? In my new blog, Confessions of an LDS Convert. I decided I will cover many many things that have brought me joy, that have taught me valuable lessons, that have been a struggle. Tune in :)

2013 here I come!

(For your enjoyment, me at the end of 2010. I've done a lot to discard any past photos online, but I've found reason to display this. It looks nothing like ME!)

(Me, currently, with some of the best friends a girl could ask for. At the Salt Lake City Temple. Can you say word of wisdom much? I think I look much better.)

what i love about sundays

cue the music!

I absolutely love sundays. I feel like it's a day to appreciate the simple things in life that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with! You take time out of your busy life to realize what matters most.

I love sleeping in.
I love church.
I love spending time with my family and friends.
I love that the day is dedicated to the man above.
I love baking on this day.
I love sitting outside and enjoying this earth (sun, rain, snow)
I love reading.
I love that it feels like a break from this crazy world.

Have I expressed the fact that I miss Utah yet? Because I do. I came to this realization yesterday and started laughing. Utah is where my life is. California is my home where I grew up and my family still lives, but its not me anymore.

I've been thinking a lot about change lately with this new year approaching. Still can't believe its 2013! There will be a New Years Resolution post coming soon. Somehow putting it out there for people to see might motivate me to really go through with them all. But back to change...

Change is growth. Change is work. Change is results. Change is good.

like crazy.

Some days I feel the need, to fill the void of love in my life. Not the love that you get from family and friends, but love.

Some days I like to fill that void by losing myself in books and movies. Or by ways that I shouldn't.

What I do know, is that some day that void will be filled by someone that will make me strive to be the best kind of person I can and vice versa.

So until that day, I will continue to watch my chick flicks, I will continue to watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette on TV and remind myself with those things, that love exists. I will let that vicarious love fill me with happiness.

Call me crazy.

this season

Somehow I got caught up/lost in how much I hate this town, and started forgetting some of the most important reasons for this season.

I feel at so much peace when I am snuggling on the couch in our living room, face lit up from the light of our christmas tree. Just laying and listening to the buzz of my family roaming around upstairs getting ready for bed, while I pull out my scriptures and read. 

FAMILY. That's what it's all about. I am in my home. I am so grateful to be here! 

an internal debate

So is it gray or grey?

That has always bugged me, especially since it is one of my favorite colors. I always tend to gravitate towards gray sweatshirts, grey pants, gray sheets (we will touch on that later). If you hadn't noticed, I never know which to use so I just switch it up :)

As I scourged the internet for an answer to my unanswered question, I found nothing. All I found was that it is a preference. Why can't you just tell me which to prefer?!

What sparked this debate in my mind once again you ask? Well let me tell you...

Yesterday morning I was doing some last minute shopping, at Target. I came across some amazing looking flannel sheets. They were gray. They were on clearance. I pretty much thought it was a done deal. As I quickly threw them into my basket I was happy. And then I realized I was supposed to be shopping for other people, not myself! So I unselfishly gave them up and put them back.

Not a big deal right? You wouldn't think that it would affect my day, but nope. A little bit later I was on the phone with Becky and I told her about not ending up buying the sheets. I said to her, why was I thinking of wasting money on sheets (even though I loved them in all their solid gray glory) when...

1. I don't necessarily need them
2. Lets pray that I am not in a twin bed for long (twin bed = twin size sheets)
3. Lets pray that I am sharing an at least Queen sized bed with a husband in the not to distant future (Queen sized bed with future I dont know who that is husband = not realistic for grey twin sized sheets).
4. Oh yeah, and I was shopping for other people

Well enough of that. I've decided. For me, it will be...

gray

yes, that happened.

Ever had one of those days where everything is just off? Today was that day for me. Without a doubt. This girl right here.

It may have all started last night before bed. I was just in one of those negative nancy moods, which is no bueno. So I quickly read my scriptures, said my prayers and put on a movie to quickly fall asleep too. Needed out of that mind set stat.

So when I awoke this morning I felt at least a little bit better, did some shopping, packed for my trip home, etc. I started my trek to layton later in the afternoon, where my wonderful roommate Becky is from and the person who so graciously said yes to driving me to the airport. The drive proved uneventful yet satisfying. Every once in awhile a good thinking/singing/screaming my emotions out to T Swift sesh for an hour is therapeutic.

...5 minutes before I arrived to my destination I stopped at the gas station. Whats typical of me is to throw my debit card into my pocket until I get back into the car. What isn't typical is a gas station where you take out the pump and have to lift a lever underneath the machine to make it start. I blame that, it threw me off. It also caused me to throw my card on the ground and proceed to drive away.

Arriving at Beckys I realized it was missing. I just knew I had left it there. Driving back to check I didn't see it on the ground. However, when I checked with the lady inside, she said someone had turned it in. Ding! Ding! Ding! Good samaritan and great luck right there.

And onward. Laughing about that mishap I quickly said my goodbyes and merrily went on my way to the Jetblue line to check my bag. After a couple minutes of waiting around, I reached into my pocket for my phone... and it wasn't there. My heart sank, and I knew I had left it in the cup holder  in the car. This was the moment when I wish we still had to memorize peoples numbers, the only one I could think of was my moms! I called her from a randoms phone and told her to dial the shiz out of my phone until Becky answered. I kept my laptop on me and hopped onto the good ol FB and messaged Becky and Jason. Luckily, Jason was able to call Becky before it was too late and my phone was safely returned to its owner. What an angel Becky is for putting up with my shenanigans today.

A sigh of relief passed through me and I was homebound. I made it home and wanted to get stuff to make treats tomorrow. Took my mommas car the local Winco where they had NOTHING. Absolutely nothing that I needed. I ended up with imitation vanilla. What is that even? No hershey's hugs. No almond bark. No nothing that I needed. Oh, and it was a store full of rude people. Utah to California, big difference in friendliness. But I knew that.

Anyway, I promise I am not complaining. It was just one of those days. And thankfully, I am in my home with my family. Tomorrow is sunday. Sundays are always good. Goodnight world.

remember.

How did I get here? How did I get to this point in my life where I have such a deep relationship with our Heavenly Father and it only grows more and more everyday.

It's easy, yet difficult to remember my life without Him in it. The gospel changes lives. Everyday I am reminded of the comfort and happiness I have because of Him. I know that He is here for us in times of trial and in times of joy.

Sitting here in my small cozy apartment, lights off, face lit up by my computer screen, I am happy. I can let the complaints of wants come out of my mouth all day long (which Im working on quitting), but at the end of it, I am blessed. So blessed for everything in my life.

Earlier this year when I moved here to Utah, I made a vow to write in my journal often. Now maybe I haven't been as good about it as I would have liked, but it has been a gift. I can look back on this past years experiences and see the progress I have made. I can see clear links to trials I have had, and specific blessings that have come from it. I can see the faith that has grown and my dependence on Him. I am so happy. I have such an internal happiness and comfort that I know is a gift.

I now understand why LDS members try and share the gospel so much. As an outsider, you think to yourself, what is their deal? They are so annoying. Why do they want to keep talking Jesus this and Jesus that church stuff to me? I GET IT NOW. I have never known such a greater joy in my life. I know exactly where it comes from. I want these things more than anything for my family and friends.

I'm not exactly sure where I am going with this post, but what I do know is that I love our Savior. Being away from my family has taught me how great they are, and my love and appreciation for them has grown. This month I really want to strive to serve others, and let those people that are near and dear to me know that that is how I feel. That they are so important to me, and that I cherish them so much. I am grateful for the examples of people surrounding me, especially my roommates. I love the temple and that I get to drive past it every morning on my way to work.

Throughout the Book of Mormon, it says to REMEMBER. That word has been one of the best things for me. I sit down everyday and focus on remembering that He loves us. He knows us. He is there for us always. He has a personal plan for each of us. I have so many blessings because of him. I am loved.