life whispers, listen closely

It's safe to say, I had to shed a few tears before the month of October. What is a month that doesn't include  a bit of those moistened droplets falling from the corners of your eyes. The hardest thing I will ever have to do up until now, will be to give my precious dog Lily to a different family. I have had a good cry about it today, since my dads stance will not be shaken. It pains me to even think about it. Okay, I am done thinking about it for now.

This leads me to visiting teaching. October was the first month that I ever have gone. Working out which days and times works for both me and my visiting teaching partner, along with those we are supposed to visit proved tough. Schedules always conflicted, but once we made it work it was great. I enjoyed spending time with these people and just listening and sharing thoughts. It always feel nice to be needed for something and it also allows me to open my mind. To the fact that people have hardships, and things that may be hard in my life, are very minimal to what another person may be or have gone through. I am grateful for this life that I have, for this health that I am in.

So, to me it looks as if I will be heading to BYU-I for spring semester. There is nothing set in stone, but the more I consider the option, the smarter the choice it seems to be. In order to progress, I need to attend a University and I can't just sit around and wait just because I don't want to live in a certain place. A place can be temporary. If I am going to be giving up my best friend, who would never leave my side and is always happy to see me, it better be for a darn good reason and I better accomplish something :(

This past week, I haven't able to control my thoughts. As hard as I try, my thoughts always wander back to something I am trying so hard to suppress. It is just difficult, when your heart doesn't agree with your brain.

On repeat, over and over and over, will be seeing them next saturday, in 6 days! I bought two tickets, and I am not sure who I am going with yet, haha oh well I will figure it out.

listen, enjoy and let your mind melt into this beautiful song.

"Hold my breath as you're moving in,
taste your lips and feel your skin."

REpeating

The past few days have been a lazy blur. Wednesday I meant to go to the gym, but didn't. Thursday, did a couple errands and went running with Haley, but for the most part took a couple naps and was successfully unproductive. Friday, spent some time at the Sprunts where I brought Lily and the kids were extremely eager to walk her around the neighborhood so we did and took turns. It was pretty cute, but by the time I got home I proceeded with my habit of hanging out in my room laying in my bed, which then leads to more sleep.

While surfing the web last night, after I sat at home alone watching Dateline NBC (my favorite friday night show when I don't go out), I started to come across different crafts. My love for books and reading is no secret, if you take me into a bookstore, I will be happy for hours wandering by myself flipping through pages and pages. Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to hollow out a book. To have my own hiding space for who knows what, in the middle of a bookcase. So that is exactly what I am going to be doing today, attempting to hollow out a book! We will just call this saturday, craftday. I also came across this cool bracelet pattern, so I might take a trip to Joann's or Michaels so that I can partake in making bracelets haha. What I ideally would enjoy doing today would be taking a trip outdoors, maybe the mountains or the beach. Nooobody to go with though.

I feel as if I am falling into a past daze of things I enjoy. I started re-reading the first Twilight, which I am even as excited about the story as I was the first time I read it years ago. I have been yearning for a good love story, and this is gauranteed. There is so much more in books, details that make everything perfect, than in the movies. As I sit away and type this blog post, I am re-watching Harry Potter 7 part 1. My love for Harry, Ron and Hermione will never fade I don't think.

And the the ultimate questions that have been nagging at my brain this week. What am I going to do with Lily when I leave? What is the best possible place, situation and person for her? and even worse, What do you buy your ex-boyfriend for his birthday? Nothing? Only time will tell the choice I will be forced to make haha.

ba da bing!

a friend posted this earlier and i took a liking to it, it is just up front and straight to the point.

Also, I figured I didn't have much to talk about so I decided to upload a couple pictures I have taken recently. This is my daily life and things I have come across in the last day.

my morning commute.

drew woody during institute.

my pumpkin sleeping on me last night.

my neighbors skeleton.

goodbye sun

my loveable buttercup.

The soothing sound of rain, fresh breeze of cool air, warmth of a sweater and hot chocolate in my hand creates a feeling I can not explain. Thank you Moreno Valley for providing a day of weather I am happy to approve of! Besides the fact that I am one of those losers that enjoy sitting in their car on their lunch breaks alone, today was nice and relaxing, twilight book in hand. Yes, I read twilight. Yes, I am rereading it. I am in dire need of a good love story, and it seems that I have been recently unable to find an amazing one. I love reading and if a book doesn't get a firm grasp on me from the start its just falls by the waste side of some corner in my room until I come across it again and give it another chance. Wow, I just realized the previous sentence was a long one.

So one more day of work this week! Woooo hoooo, not that I work a lot, but last week on my days off they were just BUSY. I was able to go running wednesday-saturday, go to knotts scary farm for free, go to downtown disney, saturday night stake conference, the Ronald Reagan library and back to work again monday.

Tonights agenda, institute! I will keep updating this week :)

stake conference saturday night

Lately, I have been facing a slight struggle with attending church activities. Some days I just feel a bit dragged down after work and choose sleep and laziness over institute, or going to all 3 hours on sunday. Not that it's an excuse, but being the only member in my family takes a toll. This past week I had my wisdom teeth removed so it gave me even more of an excuse to skip out on things. Nonetheless, it is now a week later and I was able to attend the saturday night session of our stake conference. I loved it.

Every talk given, spoke straight to my heart and I felt the impact of each deep inside of me. You could feel the spirit stronger than I remember having felt it lately. I am grateful to know what that feeling is. It is an emotion packed sensation that fills you. It brings grown men to tears. This conference reaffirmed my already existing knowledge that this church is true. That this is what is right, no questions.

The first talk was given by President Sprunt (Sams dad). It's always interesting hearing stories from someone you personally know, they hit you with a greater impact than most others. He touched on the fact that we can't afford to just, "go through the motions," in these latter days. I need to put the commitment into visiting teaching (which I have never done), always attending church and every institute, paying tithing, etc. That every calling is of importance. That there is no such thing as an insignificant calling or one that goes unnoticed. Which brings me back to all the things people said or did without realizing it, as I was going through the baptism process. That helped strengthen me and my testimony. He also spoke of wind. That, at one point, we are all somebody's wind. Picking someone up in a way that we might not even realize or notice.

When Kelsey and Tanner gave their talk it was refreshing. It was refreshing coming from people around my age, having such a strong involvement in the church. I was reminded that decisions now affect not only this life, but our eternal life. That the Lord is there waiting, but we need to act. We need to put the effort and come to him. Not only can other peoples faith grow as they begin to learn of the church, but you seeing that growth can strengthen your own. Faith is a verb, an action word. Faith can not be physically seen. Our Heavenly Father will always provide and always be our light in the darkness. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. My faith has made me whole. It has given me as a person, a full heart.

..."My new life started the day I was baptized." I can relate to this. I have been given a second chance to live life the way it is supposed to be. Living life through the light of Christ. I am technically 4 months old, still stumbling and learning, taking my first steps. Those stumbles give me the chance to prove my worthiness and a chance to prove my faith. We have the opportunity to speak to our father at any time of the day, anywhere that we are. I constantly find myself saying a 5 second prayer of gratitude for random things that I realize as I go throughout my day. I say a prayer of thanks after arriving somewhere, I say a prayer of thanks after I see a patient with medical disabilities and then follow it with a prayer for them. We have this freedom of prayer that should be taken advantage of as much as possible. Our faith can be lost in being passive and I am so grateful for the gospel ending my spiritual starvation, as said by a recent canyon springs ward convert.

Before this, "new life" I did not know what was going to happen in my life. I still do not know what is going to happen in my life. But, I am not scared. I know that I am not alone and one day I will return to my heavenly father. One day I will have eternal life with my future spouse and children. And I pray everyday that the seed of Christ that I know is within each of my family members will grow, and we can all be together forever. I have the agency to choose the right.

and the wisdom is gone

teeth that is! Yesterday, I clocked into work a little bit early, and worked until 1. As soon as 1 o'clock hit, I changed into some comfy clothes and it was my turn in the chair. I work for an oral surgeon so lucky for me I was able to have him remove my two wisdom teeth and also perform a lingual frenectomy. So basically what they did was snip the attachment underneath my tongue since it was attached toward the front. Now, after everything is all healed up, I should be able to stick my tongue out of my mouth like a normal person haha.

I am currently not in too much pain, thanks to the medicine. I also feel as if my tongue is the most ginormous thing ever and taking up my entire mouth lol. So there is not too much to say about this weekend except is is being spent on the couch, in my bed, and on the couch some more. Although, I am getting some things done like cleaning the kitchen and laundry. Minus the fact that I get winded easily and sit down after each task.

On thursday evening me and Haley accomplished 4 miles! That was a really great feeling, accomplishment aww. Will keep y'all posted! Hopefully everything starts healing correctly and quickly :)

chipmunk.

possibilities are endlesssss

You never really know what you are capable until you try! When I was a junior in high school I would run, all the time. After high school, not really at all. I am making the attempt to get back into running, it is just hard to motivate yourself! After work today I went running with Haley and we accomplished 3.6 miles. Let me repeat that, 3.6 miles! It is the best feeling to know that you weren't sure you would be able to do it, and you did. I even felt as if I could run another mile once I stopped. Actually, I am tempted to go to the gym, but I would rather not wear myself out since we are going to try a different route that is 4 tomorrow. If we can run this far and we are just starting, imagine what we will be able to do in a month. I am going to start looking up 10k after this blog post haha...

I am so grateful for my physical body and health. I am thankful for the family and friends that I am surrounded by. I am in awe of the happiness that comes from having the spirit in your life.

curse you emotions and thoughts!

Aren't there those moments we all hate when you are trying your very best to not think about something and every single thing you come across constantly reminds you of it?! Curse you emotions and thoughts! You are causing me to allow myself to wallow inside of my brain. That is exactly the opposite of what I am trying to do.

The force of the world is not on my side today! I try to eat healthy and what does my dad do? Come home with pizza AND breadsticks. I try to not think about someone and what do I come across while I am studying the bible? That name. What a comical sense of humor someone is playing on me haha.

growing old and wrinkly

I feel like my childhood is gone for-ev-er! I get up and go to work, lately 4 or 5 days a week. I get home and I take a seat in my bed that gradually turns into a laying position. Once I am in that position, my eyes tend to get heavy and a nap draws more and more near. And then abruptly, I am woken up to Lily in need of a walk.

My days are full of lists. Lists of things to do, lists of places to call during my lunch break, lists of bills to pay. I love my lists and I enjoy being organized and writing them, but when you really think about it, lists are for old people haha. Lists are meant for people who can't remember what needs to be done, my forgetfulness is already making its way into my life!

Today, I found myself bringing home a 'Newsweek' magazine from work so that I could read through it. Since when do I read newsweek?!

However, I do enjoy putting my twist on things in life. I don't think my childish tendencies will ever fade away, they are a part of who I am. I find joy in the little things... glowsticks, skip its, mismatching socks or really cool matching ones. My nerdy and ridiculously dorky sense of childish humor. So, I guess growing up isn't all that bad. I just hope to find that one person who can share that adult childish humor with me :) Cheers to the little things in life and happiness and humor in even the more complex. Ciao!

Have a "beary" good week!

What are we doing here?

What are we doing here? As in, here on earth and how did we get here? I always had those questions when I was younger and I couldn't quite formulate them into exactly what I wanted to know. I now know we are here to find our way back to our heavenly father. I am aware that God didn't just drop us here on this place called earth to go roam and do whatever the heck we want. There had to be a purpose.

However, along the way there are all those worldly things we have to deal with. Not all are bad, some are good. This week I was carless because I sold my scion and I just didn't expect to sell it that fast! I felt as if I was 16 again, calling my mom to pick me up from places. It wasn't bad though, deep down inside I kind of enjoyed it haha. Also, I am super blessed to have my dog lily. I know I can probably go on and on about her forever, but seriously, she is the best dog you could ever ask for. Minus a couple things... waking up to her on your chest at 630am, how does a dog like to wake up that early? Occasionally pooping in the living room haha, my dad doesn't find that one funny. She brings sun where the sun don't shine though :)

I officially was denied from BYU - Provo after a month of waiting. A month isn't very long, but the denial is what hurts. Haha but it's not something I expected so it made it a little bit easier. I just know that there is a plan for me and maybe at that school its just not there. Even though I will be applying again... lol.  Alright, after procrastinating I need to get up and ready for church. There are two farewell talks I will listen to today and I really am excited for them. Missionary work changed my life! :)

my new ride!

the sunshine in my life :)

literature: S

I enjoy adding new words to my daily vocabulary. Lately, I have fallen into love with two words and I thought I would share them with you to help expand your vocab as well! Weird coincidence they both start with an, "S"


Suffice - 
1. Be enough or adequate.

2. Meet the needs of.

Succor -

 1. Assistance and support in times of hardship and distress

Also, a certain someones name starts with an S, weird coincidence? maybe, or maybe I have an attraction to "S's" haha kidding, I am not that crazy. Promise. 

annnnd picture of the day IS:

Salt Lake Temple

it's better to look up

This weekend I was looking up and looking down! The older I get, the shorter my fuse and tollerance for some people are haha.

Me, Phil, Shelby, Kelsey and Lianna started our thursday off with a 9 hour drive to my future home, Provo, Utah. The drive there was full of laughter and lots and lots of singing. Regardless of us not having an auxillary cord or cd player! We brought back the childish games of MASH and True Love and couldn't hold in the laughter. Knowing your future life sprawled out onto the pages of crinkled notebook paper, what could be better? I didn't sleep much on the ride, but when I did I awoke to opera singing from Lianna. Lets just say we had some talent in the car haha.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what exactly we did on thursday night when we arrived. We stayed at Jessica and Vanessa Campbells aparment and they were so sweet to let us stay there. Before bed time we slowly started to realize all these little army men around the apartment. Hanging from the clock, on top of the picture, looking down from the door frame. Pretty funny stuff.

Friday was the first full day that we had. We spent it waking up to some cinnamon toast crunch and then playing some basketball if I can recall the order of activities. A little bit later we went to Provo Rock Canyon and hiked/more like walked around. But I love to be anywhere that is outside, trees and flowers and the sky and stars just make me happy. Jumping to last night while we were driving home, I could probably stare out the window at the stars for hours. They were just so beautiful.

Anyway, after the hike we went and played some bball and then showered and got dressed for the night. We didn't really have anything to do so the boys picked up the couch from their apartment and put it on the patio. Phil and Dallin went to the store to get cards and came back with a pumpkin. They did good! This pumpkin was a huge 30 pounder with plenty of pumpkin guts. What went from a couple pumpkin seeds flung, turned out into a war. I got slammed in the face with a big pile of guts and shelby somehow ended up with some in her mouth. Carriage cove was colored in pumpkin guts, because for over an hour me, Shelby, Phil and Sam were running around bombarding eachother with handfulls of nastiness. But it couldn't have been more fun... haha.  Later that night was able to hang out with Katelyn and Anthony, meet a couple new people who were pretty cool and go to this big dance party. Who knew mormons partied like that? Awkward and funny lol.

And then Saturday came, conference! Woke up and slowly got ready while watching the saturday morning session. Left around 12 and got the the conference center. It was amazing how close we got sit and it was just a great experience in general. When I dig out my notes notebook out of my luggage, I will have to write a blog about things I learned. Walking past the Salt Lake Temple was beautiful. I can't even imagine who wouldn't want to get married there. Me and my favorite boy in front of the temple. 

As the night came to a close everyone was pretty exhausted. Most of us split up and went separate place, but a couple of us just stayed in and watched a movie which was nice. Got back to the apartment around 3am. Luckily, sunday session was a day spent in pajamas with friends listening to the prophet. Thomas S. Monson gave a great talk, along with one that made us all laugh. Later, Sam and I went over to Kelli's to visit. The next time I am there I will be moving in! I am beyond excited, I need these next 2 months to fly by and for everything with school to fall in place. Life is good!