Offer our 'whole souls'

When I think of missionaries, I start to cry. I have become one of those women in church that cry! When did this happen, and actually when did I become a woman? Haha, I am too young for that. Sister Bergquist always starts her Institute class asking of when we felt the spirit in the previous week. My mind directly went to Jake and his mission. So I started to share that saying goodbye to Jake the night before was extremely hard for me, but as my selfish desires were wiped away, I clearly saw the extent and greatness of what he is doing. I am so excited for him to share the gospel because missionaries change lives, they changed my life by sharing their knowledge of the gospel with me. He is going to be able to bless so many people. And naturally now since I am one of those woman who cry in church, this was said through tears and no one probably understood what was really coming out of my mouth haha.

So as of right now, he is actually in the MTC. Phone turned off and all. He read my letter on his flight to Utah and when he landed we exchanged our last texts from the outside world. We told each other how proud we are of one another. I am sure going to miss him! I can't wait to hear from him hopefully next week and see how his week has gone. He definitely is my favorite missionary.

The night of Institute I was just speaking of, had the topic of offerings. We went through the old testament in Leviticus. Learning that if we offer sacrifice, we have to offer it willingly. Are we willing to give up our all, and give up our all for him? In Omni 1:26 out of the Book of Mormon it says...

26 And now, my beloved brethren, I would that ye should ^acomeunto Christ, who is the Holy One of Israel, and partake of his salvation, and the power of his redemption. Yea, come unto him, and ^boffer your whole souls as an ^coffering unto him, and continue in ^dfasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth ye will be saved.

I love that scripture, 'and offer your whole souls, as an offering unto him.' Offer him everything, just as he has given everything for us. 

goodbyes are hard

I don't know if it is a good or bad thing to write when you are emotional, but that is my current state. Tears streaming down my face, the little bit of eyeliner I have on, smudged.

I just said bye to Jake. I am not sure how, but somewhere along this year he has become my best friend. He pretty much knows everything about me, how to make me laugh and right now, how to make me cry by leaving. What he is doing is right though, serving a mission. I'm just a little bit heartbroken that this person that I have become so close with, and really the only person that I actually talk to anymore is going to be gone from my life. I wont be able to just text him when something random happens in my day, or drive over to his house whenever I feel like it, even though walking would save gas since it is really only about 10 houses away. Who is going to watch music videos with me into the late hours of the morning?

I am so proud of him, but I am sad for me. I thought that when I joined the church, I wouldn't have this problem because all my friends all served their missions. I honestly would have been a wreck if I knew the significance of a mission, or were as close as I am with Jake, when other friends left for theirs.

uncertainty

The only thing I am certain of is that I am going through some changes. Change equals growth though, right? My mind is running in a thousand different directions unsure of what to make of certain things. In short, I am starting to get that alone feeling even though I am surrounded by lots of friends and people. I have no idea what I would do if I wasn't going to be moving. To be stuck in this town, in this rut of not moving forward, I swear it would slowly kill me. I am constantly looking back on the decisions I have made in this past year, and I can only imagine what next year will hold for me. Surprises, endless surprises. Where will I be in a year from now? Well I can guarantee that I will be 24. Will I be in Utah, Idaho, back in California? Where will I be working? Will I have a boyfriend, fiance, husband? It is hard and exciting to look at the endless opportunities for the future, but when you know it is going to take a lot of courage, change and independence to do these things it is kind of scary. The unknown is a bit scary. I need to learn to rely on myself.  30-35ish days until I move out, I still haven't picked a definite date. To think that this year was a complete change and journey, I can only imagine what next year brings.

"Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I ---

I took the one less traveled by, 

and that has made all the difference."

-Robert Frost

My creative juices have not been flowing at all lately. I take that back, my writing creative juices have not been flowing lately. I found the most cute refrigerator christmas decoration on pinterest that was simple and easy though. Something that I just had to do! Since I can't make real snowmen with snow, one of construction paper taped to my fridge will have to suffice.

As the holidays are nearing, I find myself becoming more and more excited for thanksgiving and christmas! At the same time, I get a little disappointed because they aren't as fun as I remember them when I was younger. When I have kids, I am sure they will go back to that childish excitement, but until then I will fill my holidays with fun crafts. Like my snowman fridge haha

Speaking of childhood fun, me and Jake were able to go to Disneyland this past friday thanks to Ingrid! I hadn't been there in over a year and half, and I had never been there during christmas time. I forgot how much I love that place, you can't be anything but happy there. Unless of course you get stuck in a long line between two groups of pre-teen girls without adult supervision who know nothing about personal space and continuously keep bumping into you and hanging off your back.... Haha okay, not that thats off my chest, like I said it was nothing but fun! And I am glad we were able to go before Jake leaves in 10 days. I wont see him for 18 months! Out of a life span, that really is a short amount of time and I know what he is doing is what he should be, but we have become such good friends I am sad I wont be able to just text, call or just barge into his house whenever I feel like it.

When I think about moving I know that it is the right decision. When I think about not having a job when I move there and my bills and money, I start stressing out. I know things will work out though, and I am grateful for this opportunity to move. Being around people my age with such strength in the church will help me to continue to keep a strong testimony. Not that mine is slipping away, but I feel like it has come to a halt a little bit, it isn't progressing as much as it has been. I know that thats my fault, but it's been harder for me to find the strength to do everything I need too.

A little bit of fall showing in the neighborhood trees.
Thats all for tonight <3

my food cravings

I have the most odd food cravings. I swear every month it changes to a new obsession. I just text someone telling them how much I love cinnamon applesauce. No really, I just did. Last month it was milky ways, and the month before that it was the velveeta mac and cheese instant cups. I am not exactly sure what is wrong with me, but I crave things. I can't even imagine how bezerk my cravings will go one day when I am pregnant. There are just certain foods I love! I am the worst person at having self control over those things too, and none of them are ever that good for me. I love mashed potatoes, can you say fatty? I love little cesars breadsticks, can you say carbs! I really really love sugar free redbulls, hello bad energy drink. Haha seriously though, what is wrong with me?

DECEMBER

Yes, I realize this is a post about the month of December and we are still in the month of November, but it is all I can think about. That 12th month of the year is going to be an extreme amount of changed, packed into a small amount of time. It will be my last month spent in California until I move to Utah. I have lived in my parents house, in this exact room I am in at this moment for the last 20 years. It wont just be moving out from under my parents roof and on my own, but more like moving out from under my parents roof and on my own into a completely different state! I am more excited than scared, but still a little bit scared. I will be leaving my current job which I love, to trying and finding a job in Utah, hopefully with some good luck. I have bills to pay and now an additional rent.

Now for the biggest change of all. Giving away my dog who holds a huge chunk of my heart. I try not to think about it as much as possible because I seem to burst into tears like a little girl at the thought of it.

So like I have stated, December is on my mind. It holds more change than I know. I will need to learn to cook, to clean more often, to be more independent, to drive and live in snow and so much more. When I pack up my room I am sure I will realize how much of my sisters clothes I really take haha, gone are the days of borrowing her new items. It will be like spring cleaning, but winter cleaning. I will be throwing out all the things I have slowly collected throughout my life since they can't just continue to sit there. My mother is turning my room into her new office as soon as I leave. She couldn't wait to get me out could she? haha

Let's take a step back to our current month of November. This past weekend I made a trip to my future home! I really do love Utah, maybe because I don't live there yet. I will have to update my feelings on the place once I do. I love that there are so many people around my age, and so many new friends to make. I love that I love that everyone has the same religious beliefs and that it seems everyone there has ambition to make something of themselves in life. I have so much fun every time I visit and I know that me and Kelli will get along great living together. That's all for now, until next time!

awful waffle

Kelli's apartment

after church

american secrets

Normally my showers do not last more than 10 minutes (but then again it depends if I have to shave my legs or not). After church I cuddled up in my covers, lily in the crevice of my leg and took a nap. When I awoke to the sound of rain pouring down my mind immediately went to a steaming hot shower and that is exactly what I did. I just stood there under the hot steamy water, ever so slightly turning it up so that it lightly singed my skin until it was tolerable. Once it was, I repeated to turn it up again slowly. That, to me, is enjoyable. I returned to my sweats and sweatshirts, making my way down stairs for some dinner.

That thought brings me to something else. I am going to need to invest in some more attractive pajamas. Mine consist of huge sweatshirts, wrinkled big t-shirts, nothing cute. I know people will be in and out of the apartment in Provo and I can't risk looking that bad haha.

Today was fast sunday. I love listening to people make their way up to the podium and bare their testimonies. They strengthen mine in so many ways, just perfect examples of how Christ has worked in their life and has provided them with knowledge and comfort. Eric repeated a quote during sunday school that stuck with me. "You can accomplish anything with two people. As long as one of them is Christ." So true!

Last night I attended the Parachute concert at the El Rey Theater in LA. Let's just say they are amazing and Will Anderson melts my heart. They had so much energy and are so talented! However, Kate Voegele sucked. Seriously. She is a good singer, but she is just SO boring. Back to Parachute, amazing amazing amazing! I might just be in love <3 It was a fun trip to take with my sisters.

on the news

As I sit here cuddled up in my blanket that I have had since the age of 2, I realize that I am getting old. I am enjoying the news, channel 7 news to be exact! I feel that I need to be more educated. The other day I found myself googling how to learn the location of the states. I live here in the US and I am not proud to say I don't know where anything geography is! After finding a website that allowed me to play a game where I would drag that states to their proper spots, I feel a lot more confident in my state locating abilities haha. However, it took me a whole hour.

While my mind was wandering at work yesterday, I started thinking of things that make me, "me." The fact that I find easy excitement in the simplest things. I enjoy socks, I do not enjoy finding matching pairs. 90% of the time I am wearing socks, they do not match. The other 10% is when they are most likely holiday socks, and those of course match. Because I just have to buy socks that are a symbol of the season I am in. I enjoy mail. When I am sending out letters at work, I have to make sure that the stamp is perfectly straight with the corner, a couple millimeters away from the edge. Also, they need to be cute stamps, like the ones I put on our statement envelopes are Disney ones that include Up, Toy Story, Wall-E, etc.

I tend to laugh at my own jokes and I find nothing wrong with that. As long as I am having a good time, shoot. I love when I can find a CD where every song is enjoyable. During Christmas time, I pull out my must have reindeer antler ears and big red nose for my car and sport that around town. On my drive to work in the mornings I give myself a private concert. I am pleased with the fact that I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of person and occasionally enjoy dressing up. I will try anything outdoorsy as long as it doesn't involve stomach jumpy feelings or bees. Man, I hate bees.

Today, I received something from RCC in the mail. Let me just tell you that I have had my Associates Degree for over a year technically, but the certificate finally came. One small degree down, Bachelors here I come!

sweet sweet november

Aw, sweet sweet november, you have arrived. As another month from this year comes to a close and a new one begins, I can't help but think back to a year prior. I can recall memories of exactly what kind of lifestyle I was living at the time. If you would tell my old self that in a year you would be here, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, planning on moving to Utah and attending an LDS school, etc, I would have not believed me for one second. This year has been good to me, more than I could have ever imagined. I have grown in so many ways, taking every good and bad experience and turning them into something of use.

November: Happiness in myself, my decisions, my choices, I cant control people, but I can control myself

As I look forward to the start of this month, I somehow feel rejuvenated. Looking at these past months makes me happy, even through the 'downs'. I have strength within myself, that comes from our heavenly father. I am never alone and I know that he has a plan. As of today, I can say that with a solid foundation. 

This saturday I am going to see Parachute in concert! I somehow managed to make this a sister event and it makes it all that much better, bonding time. This will be Fran's first concert ever and I have no doubts she will not love it. I have been obsessively listening to the band over and over, and have managed to develop a crush on the lead singer. Music melts into my soul, scriptures melt into my soul, what a coincidence. Sweet sweet November.

<3 Will Anderson