This flashing cursor and blank screen is staring at me. Sometimes it is hard to just BEGIN the writing process. It's hard to begin a lot of things, but it is even harder to finish them all the way through. Today at church my friend Phil gave a talk on enduring to the end. It is not just enduring, it is the journey along the way and the things that you do. All the choices you have to make, always hoping that you choose the correct one.

D&C 14:7

"And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."

And along the way you are with your friends and family! (even though it can be forever, if we choose to follow God). On saturday it was my Grandpa Franks 80th surprise birthday party. You could tell he was not a fan of the surprise haha. None the less, it was nice to have a whole bunch of family in one place. We all got to sweat it out in the extreme heat together. I took Lily along and my mother was carrying her around telling everyone it was her grandchild, probably since she wont be getting any anytime soon. Well lets at least hope for that, none on my end though haha. 

me and fran in the car

Lillifer and me at Yorba Linda Park

Grandpa and his children.

This past week we have been playing volleyball quite a bit. Well I guess twice could be quite a bit. Unfortunately for my skin, it bruises easily and it looks like I am a victim of abuse. After awhile, I would see the ball flying towards me at supersonic speed and I would stick my arm out for the hit and make this awful grunting sound lol. The aftermath of 2 days this week....

poor right arm

me shelby and paige before the battle began

phil making crazy faces

I love my friends and I love that we are always doing some kind of activity. I love my family and the time we get to spend together even though they can annoy me half the time. I love my dog and the way that she looks at me when I come home from being gone, the love you see in her eyes. I love church for teaching me valuable lessons every sunday and even throughout the week. I love God and the ability to speak to him anywhere and time that I want. I should have no reason to complain about life <3

wash of calm

Within the last couple of days, I have felt a wash of calm come over me. This productive ticking clock in me is just telling me to go go go, and keep busy. I enjoy keeping busy as long as I get my sleep haha.

Yesterday, I woke up with the urge to run to my destination for the day. Rolling out of bed, I threw on my running clothes and made the jog to church. It's about 2 miles from my house and my only mistake is leaving at 10am. If you are living in Moreno Valley, you know that it is about 80 degrees at 7 in the morning so at 10 it is almost 100! I made it to church looking like a sweaty hot mess, but none the less I made it. Who ever runs to their destinations anymore? Okay well I cheated, I had my mom pick me up for a ride home since it was so dang hot, so it was only a one way run.

After my run and meeting with the Elders, who I currently love, I think they are great right now and I feel completely comfortable with them and talking to them about anything. I took a nice, not so hot shower and met up with Erin and our girl friend Sam and her boyfriend. It was nice to just catch up with people I haven't seen in awhile, and it helped that I was absolutely starving so I chowed down on a chicken wrap from Islands.

My productive day came to a screeching halt when I get home and laid in bed watching Bachelor Pad on TV.... I don't know how I end up watching those guilty pleasure shows when I really don't watch all that much TV anyway haha. After said guilty pleasure, I drove to the Redlands Building.

From there we went and did baptisms, it was my second time. I felt more comfortable, knowing that I had done this before and I knew what to expect. Being in the temple just makes me happy. I am nothing but happy in there. While we were waiting for everybody to finish up, Andrew ended up walking in. I got to talk to him for a little bit and it was really nice. I appreciate being able to be friends, and talking with him made me realize what a good and funny person he is. I really do wish the best for him and I am sad that we both hurt each other earlier this year. But you always learn something, and I think we learned a lot from each other and learning is key!

And there is this morning.

I want to become healthier! In all aspects, I have the worst eating habits and 2 days ago I decided that I am going to stop eating again after 7pm. After 7pm it is all junk! Well and before.... but I am going to try and change that. As my alarm went off at 5:30 AM I instantly thought, what in the world is it doing that for! Then I remembered we were supposed to hike to the M. I met up with Phil and Joey and we went up to the M via Hidden Springs route entrance. I've actually never gone this way and it literally made me sick! I have not felt like I was going to puke from exercising since the cross country days.... MAN I am out of shape.

Phil made the comment about enduring to the end on the hike up. I love that we can always apply any situation we are in to the gospel. It's a wonderful feeling and great things to know.

oh and I died my hair all brown, I am going for the natural look now, haha the end.

Most people would have never thought I would become an LDS member. Heck, I would have probably laughed in their face if they told me I would be mormon in a years time. Part way into my day at work I checked my phone, and to my surprise I had a message from a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile. We use to all go out and party together, so when I read her message I just started smiling. She had let me know that she had quit drinking and doesn't go out anymore. Which then leads her to being at home and thinking a lot, she ended by asking about the church. To say the least, I was in a happy shock. I know more than a few ways the church has helped my life, but I would never guess that my choice to become LDS might give question and insight to someone who is lost in their faith, just as I used to be. Now I may be over reacting a bit, and she may never end up meeting with the missionaries, but to know that my life decision has put the thought of Church and God in someones mind, fills my heart.

I have not been able to stop thinking about this all day. During my lunch break, I decided it was one of those days where I would just sit in my car and use that alone time to think. I thought of many things during that hour.... Excited I only spent a dollar on lunch (2 hard tacos, LOTS of del scorcho sauce), wow my car is filthy, but if I wash it will my window finally break?, and then eventually it came back to that message and my life. How has the church helped me? Opening my handy dandy notes section in my iphone, I started listing the first things that came to mind.

That is just my rough draft, but I will elaborate because I jotted those down real quick before I had to go back to answering phones and scheduling appointments :)

• My morals, values and self worth - I see the importance of all of these! I know and understand the reason for the law of chastity and word of wisdom. Without the word of wisdom, I felt like all of those went out the window.

• Direction and what is important in life - I am right back on track with school, I know where I need to go and what I need to do to make that happen. I am motivated to become a more educated person, to take advantage of everything that is on this earth and learn. A week after my baptism I was hired at my current job at a dental office, I don't think thats coincidence :)

• Less selfish, nicer, kinder, caring - Has caused me to realize that being mean gets you nowhere, it just ruins the mood of everybody. Why fret the all the little things? Be happy!
• Closer to God - Our creator! Answers all questions. I have faith that I can talk to him and he will listen. That he has a plan for all of us. That this life has a purpose and we can go through the plan of salvation and be with him again. 
• I am happier- Just in general, I am a happy person. I love my life (even though there are lots of things I would love to change).
• Friends- This has been one of the biggest of them all. One of the first things to come to my mind. I am SO thankful and grateful for the friends I have made. They would do anything for me and I am just getting to know them. They are the most genuine, caring, selfless people I have ever met. 

I am positive that if I really gave this list some deep thought, I would be able to write something great. Something that explains every thought of mine and just how much this church has changed my life. Besides the obvious answer of God, the people that belong to this church are what make it what it is. GREAT. And I am so thankful for them every day, to make me feel at home, to allow me to ask the most random questions, to be excited for me to learn, to befriend me, to be patient with me. In short, these are the thoughts that have been pressed into that mind of mine today :)

being of good cheer even when you're not

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. Up and down and backwards and forwards, never stopping. How do you try to tell and convince yourself what to feel? I'm sad. Thats what I am, and I am doing everything to make myself try and forget that I am. It's been a week, and as I sit here I can feel the heaviness of my eyes filling up with tears that I will not let out. I am happy, I have always been a happy girl.

But it is hard to stay happy when you know with all your heart that you and someone are 100% perfect for each other. That this person saw that and everything was great, and then something changed his mind. Scared him off. Ugh, when I receive the answers on how to handle this situation I guess Ill get back to this. As for now, I am tip toeing around what movies I will allow myself to watch without them causing me to become an emotional mess.

Yesterday while I was meeting with the missionaries, I was able to choose what I wanted to learn about. So the obvious choice for me was 'being of good cheer'. Since this past week has been such a downer.

There is never a real reason we shouldn't be happy. We know the savior, and we know that he is with all of us. D&C 61:36 reminds us that the Lord hasn't forsaken us, he is always here. So I just know that I need to keep this in mind, that there will always be tribulations, and that they are only but a small moment.

Now I will try and get through this day.

mumbo jumbo

It has been one of those days where your thoughts are about everything to the moon and back. I started my slightly above average temperature tuesday morning examining the crack in my windshield. If you didn't already know, it has grown at least 30x its size of the little speck it used to be. Each day I mentally measure its length and measure its harm to my life. So far, its only half of the windshield... maybe when it gets 3/4 (or when I get paid again), I will have that dang pain in my butt, burnt hole in my wallet piece of glass replaced!

Moving on....

A decision that has long since been over due to be made, has been made. I've already stepped up my religion game this year compared to the past, oh, all my life, quite a lot. I can not stress how important Heavenly Father, the church and scriptures are. How much my life has changed for the better ceases to amaze me everyday. And even from this point, I have an uncountable amount of growth and learning to go.

So I have decided to read my scriptures every night and pray. Yes yes, I know I am already supposed to be doing that, but I slip and some days it goes without happening. I am strapping down on this issue and making sure that this happens. That this becomes a habit in my daily life. What makes me even more excited is the fact that I am getting down on my knees and praying. Literally, on my knees.

Next thought...

As I was going out and buying that cheeseburger from Del Taco on my lunch break, that I most certainly don't need, I got to thinking about how much I enjoy, "Me" time. I enjoy sitting in my car all alone for an hour. Listening to music, or maybe listening to my thoughts going 2103812083 miles an hour in my head. Call me a weirdo, I care not.

Last but not least...

love is patient.

love is patient.

love is patient.

love is patient.

love is patient.

Yes, I am reminding myself of this pretty much every hour of the day. I truly believe this with every bit of my heart. For all of you readers out there (if any, i'm sure theres not, but I enjoy writing this for myself lol), LOVE IS PATIENT. It is kind, does not envy, is not proud or self-seeking, not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices in truth, protects, trusts and hopes. And boy am I hoping for me and the boy I truly do love.... <3

Muuuuuuch love.

love is p a t i e n t

How do we define love?
Who is/are the first person/people you think of when you hear that word and associate it to your life?

To every single person in this world love is viewed in a different light. You have your own personal definition of love already made up in your mind.

This past week I have been dealing with a lot of thoughts on love.  Every thing I have been hearing whether it comes from music, books or tv seems to have love as the subject. I without a doubt love the above people. Questions in my mind have been flipping back and forth about things that are best for love and relationships. And I have to admit to looking up the definition of love on Google. Google has the answers to everything though right? Well to most questions you can find an answer there. But my scriptures are what had the true answers to what I needed. A few weeks back I heard a saying which I am in deep like with...

"If you want to talk to God, say a prayer.

If you want God to talk to you, read your scriptures."

That was exactly what I did and I received an answer right away. A couple verses from 1 Corinthians I have heard many times, and have liked, but now was the answer to what I needed. I thank heavenly father for this answer, and at this point in my life I feel as if I can sincerely apply it.

4  Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 

5  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 

6  Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 

7  Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 

(1 Corinthians 13:4 -7 )

love is patient = my answer to everything