I have been here a month!

Life is good, oh so good. This week I feel like I have done a lot of reflecting on the past year. Who I was, who I am now, and who I want to become. I am so happy and blessed, the satisfaction I feel in my life right now is great. Everyday I wake up and I am excited for what it holds and the new adventures it brings! I am thankful for the apartment of people I live in, who constantly keep me laughing. I can't recall a single day I have been here, that hasn't caused me to cry and have a stomach cramp because of something funny somebody said.

Deciding to move away from home and to Provo has been the best decision I could have made for myself. To take myself out of an unhealthy surrounding and try to grow as a person somewhere completely different. I have grown and strengthened my relationship with God more than I can imagine. It gets stronger and stronger everyday and I am in awe of it. I continually pray that my family and friends can feel that love that our Heavenly Father has for us, and the realization of the church. Through all of it I have become a better and happier person. I can only pray and wish these things for everyone, and especially the people that I hold dear.

In this past month that I have been here, I have been able to experience things I had not done before and meet people that have made me feel at home. I have been able to be hired at a job that is run by good people. Yes, I miss my family at home and I insanely crazily miss Lily, but there is no doubt about this choice I have made. This blog is a little bit repetitive, but these things are all that I can think about.

mansion cabin in Park City with heated floors

paint war in SLC

Matt Costa concert at BYU

my drive home from work

walking around Sundance

BYU basketball game

Cloud 9

I am happier than I have ever been. Maybe not, but I do feel completely overcome with joy. Everything is just slowly working out and I know that I am supposed to be here. I took a leap and moved, leaving behind my dog, my family, my job and some friends with a whole bunch of uncertainty. I have made some great new friends and have found a job finally. I had faith and it worked out so far. I am excited to know what is in store for me.

So this is my life, and I am adjusting.

The winter snow hasn't set in and I have mixed feelings about it. I am ready to live in a snow globe, but I am not ready to drive in it haha. The drive from home to school is about 50 minutes and easy... for now. I just have this uneasy feeling and fear that I am going to be a horrible driver when those beautiful white fluffy things start falling from the sky and then my perfect driving record will be shot. Another thing that goes alone with driving here is the pedestrians. They are everywhere! They are walking across the street unnoticed at night in dark clothing, they are jogging around on every street and street corner. My car and their body, better never collide.

As part of this living on your own and growing up thing goes, I have found I am a horrible grocery shopper. I did some food buying today and ended up with nothing healthy except for two pears. My daily diet is consisting of fruit snacks, frozen dino chickens, chewy chips ahoy cookies and toast. Man, do I love my toast with the Grandma Sycamores bread here. And food costs money, and money comes from a job... that I don't have yet. There are some things that look promising coming along the way though, so praying for that :)

What I really love about this place is the faith and morals that most people living here have. These two things drive people to be better and to want to make something of themselves. The value of education is high. The desire to live in righteousness is great. The example that I receive here and can follow is extraordinary and something I would not get at home. It is something that I need. I am so excited for this journey :)

music

when music brings you comfort and happiness unexpectedly.

listen for sweet music to your ears.

thank you Ben Howard and The Lumineers for providing me with some great music before sleep.

my mind is in every direction

Third blog within the last 30 minutes. I am on a roll. I need to keep myself occupied and my mind in use. I just saw on Diana Agrons blog site an article on your first kiss. Everybody has a first kiss and they are all so different. I am going to reflect on mine.

My first kiss was when I was 14 years old. I had just started getting real attention from boys and I was soaking it all up. I can't recall exactly what I did earlier in the night (it was Halloween), but I can recall him coming over and us hanging out in front of my house as his friends went around trick or treating. I can look back at it and realize that it was not a very meaningful kiss, although it was my first. His mouth was bigger than mine, the kiss was sloppy and wet. I thought it was perfect then haha.

As I take myself back in time and then bring myself back to reality I just think, gross. What a gross kiss. Although I still long for the physical interaction of a kiss. I now hold them to a more meaningful standard. My kisses are worth something and from here on out I want them to be full of emotion. I think of the kisses from this past year 2011, and they were all meaningful. I go previous to 2011 and they weren't. I have learned what value kisses hold.

Until I find a boy who cares about me deeply, these kisses are kept to myself. Hopefully I wont have to wait too long :)

lily

I have too many thoughts running through my mind right now. Mostly of how much I miss my dog, she needed me and I was always there for her. I needed her, and she was always there for me... The love that comes from a relationship between a dog and the owner is crazy. I miss her so much. Every single moment of the day she was happy to see me.

things are different

It seems like I have given up on blogging, although I still read other peoples blogs everyday. I have loved every bit of 2011, the ups and the downs.  Maybe having high expectations for 2012 is a little much. So far I have lived in Utah for a week. I love this place so far. The fact that I am on my own is great. The fact that I am surrounded by people strong in their faith that are around the same age as me is wonderful. That alone is enough. But there are some struggles, and this afternoon I am coming down with the case of dwelling on them.

It is hard when you don't know very many people. You are surrounded by so many, but they are all already close friends. I know that it is going to just take some time, but I do miss the comfort of already having all these friends at home that know me. Also, everyone attends BYU and I don't. I know that I will get there eventually, but it is just kind of a put down when they ask if  you are attending and your answer is no. I also haven't found a job yet. I know it has only been seven days, but I loved my job at home and I am just struggling to get hired somewhere! I have faith that everything will work out. I have to trust that this is where I am supposed to be because I feel it. I feel that this is where I am supposed to be. I know that everything will work out when it is right. 

But I am scared and worried. I miss my dog and I miss the friendship that I had with Jake. I miss the relationship that I had with Sam. I mostly miss people that know me. That really know me and that I feel 100% comfortable and relaxed around.